Catmin | Yeti the Cat

L’Amour Toujours

By Catmin | - 00:42 | Yeti AND Boo

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Boo: Ah, it’s Valentine’s Day. Look at Missus and Mister. They seem so happy.

Yeti: You mean they seem so sappy….

Boo: Hey, I’m just glad we’re in a stable home.

Yeti: That’s true. I am, too.

Boo: I just feel a little left out…

Yeti: Why, no man in your life? You have Mister.

Boo: Not totally, and not really the same.

Yeti: Do you want the company of a male cat?

Boo: Heavens, no: too much competition for food around here as it is!

Yeti: Well then, what is it you want?

Boo: I don’t know. Valentine’s Day isn’t always about a “significant other”. I think it’s a good opportunity to show everyone you love them, no matter what kind of relationship it is.

Yeti: I don’t like the way this is heading…what is that look in your eye?

Boo: I can’t help it! I just have to! [Huuuuggg]

Yeti: Mmf! Not so hard! Hey…well, okay…hmm…zzzzz.

Boo: Sleeper hold…hug…whatever – I’ll take what I can get. [Grins, and cuddles]

Who’s the Alpha Cat?

By Catmin | - 17:50 | Yeti

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Boo: [Raises a brow as Yeti strolls to meet her in the office] What do you look so smug about?

Yeti: [Matter-of-factly] I’m breaking the Missus in.

Boo: What do you mean?

Yeti: She’s starting to respond to my cues [smiles with eyes half-closed]. You know she already feeds me in bed so I don’t even have to get up…

Boo: [Sticking her tongue out in disgust] boy, do I.

Yeti: Well, the crinkly bag was on the corner of the bed earlier, so instead of settling into “my spot” by the dish when she brought dinner, I curled up on the bag, and gave her a look, and she immediately just “got” it – she even said, “Oh, do we wish to dine on the terrace tonight?” and moved the bowl out of its place to set it in front of me on the bag. I didn’t have to make a squeak. Yes…her training is coming along nicely.

Boo: [Mimicking Yeti’s expressions] And to what do you give credit for this newfound obedience?

Yeti: I kissed up to her earlier letting her brush me while I was on her lap.

Boo: [Shocked] On her lap? You???

Yeti: It wasn’t bad, I must say…very relaxing…kind of lost track of time, really.

Boo: I’ve been telling you…

Yeti: But I won’t let her get too much in the habit. [Studying her claws] Poor thing, she didn’t know what hit her. I have her right where I want her.

Boo: [Rolling her eyes] Um…yeah.

[Meanwhile, in the den]

Mister: What do you look so smug about?

Missus: I think I’m breaking the Yeti in.

Mister: How’s that?

Missus: You know how she loves being brushed…I warmed her up brushing her where she lay snoozing, and then I dragged her over to my lap, and brushed her much more…she didn’t fight much at first, and then she actually fell asleep on my lap!

Mister: [Leaning forward] You have got to be kidding. Her???

Missus: I was shocked. I didn’t dare move for half an hour. Phone rang and I didn’t even move to pick up – till she moved on her own later.

Mister: I wouldn’t either! What a rare treat! Think she’ll do it again?

Missus: Oh, I made sure to do the positive reinforcement thing. I even brought her food over to her on that plastic bag the cats have been playing with. She looked so grateful [smiles while remembering]. Oh…I know how to work her. I am so winning this thing.

Mister: [Grinning] Whatever you say….

Missing Mister

By Catmin | - 15:05 | Yeti AND Boo

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Yeti: Why is the Mister gone so much?

Boo: It’s been what, five, six years you’ve been with us, and you just noticed? He goes to a thing called a job.

Yeti: Oh, that. I just didn’t know he went there all the time. I don’t think he likes it. It seems to make him upset sometimes. Yet he stays. Why?

Boo: It’s how they get food.

Yeti: They pay him in cat food? That’s odd. If he didn’t have us, what would he do with it? He clearly doesn’t want any for himself.

Boo: Maybe they need cats to survive.

Yeti: Well, of course they do! That’s it.

Boo: We have powers.

Yeti: We dooo.

St. Catrick’s Day ™

By Catmin | - 01:30 | Yeti AND Boo

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Note: this post has a new audio version! Just scroll to the bottom of the post and hit play. But for now, on to the normal typed version of today’s post:

Boo: Happy St. Catrick’s Day.

Yeti: Happy what?

Boo: St. Catrick’s Day. Our people celebrate an Irish cat who did tricks so well they sainted him.

Yeti: That’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard.

Boo: I saw it on the Internet, so it must be true.

Yeti: Where on the Internet?

Boo: [mumbling] On our blog, where I just put it….

Yeti: Peekaboo! You can’t just make things up and put them on the Internet! – I mean, I know you can, but you shouldn’t.

Boo: Well I think it’s a nice story anyway.

Yeti: Okay Peekaboo, if it’s a story, then you round it out, and really make it a story.

Boo: [thinking hard] Well…once there was this cat named Patrick, and he did lots of tricks, like playing fetch, and doing pirouettes, and walking on his hind legs, and speaking and sitting on command, and doing “tornado kitty” and back flips–

Yeti: This cat sounds suspiciously familiar….

Boo: And because of his awesomesauciness, they gave him unlimited noms all the time and loved on him lots and lots–

Yeti: And this would be “projection” based in fantasy….

Boo: Don’t ruin my story by psychologizing it.

Yeti: [glibly] Beg pardon. Pray continue.

Boo: Um…and he lived happily ever after. The end.

Yeti: [blinking] Short story.

Boo: That’s a real genre, er, category, you know.

Yeti: So it is. Merely citing literary terminology does not precipitate success.

Boo: Luckily we have our own publishing venue.

Yeti: Lucky for you – not for our readership.

Boo: I’ll take a page from your book and say it only matters if I like it. [grins smugly]

Yeti: “It’s for her own good that the cat purrs.” [Irish proverb]

To listen to this episode, just hit play!

Fee-line Frenzy ™ – (Part 1)

By Catmin | - 12:20 | Yeti AND Boo

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Boo: Um…what tornado tore through the house? It, uh, looks like it kind of smacked Missus in the face too.

Yeti: [Grimacing] Don’t tell me you have forgotten…. It’s tax season.

Boo: [Ducking] oNOOOOnonononono – I remember this – hide me!!! “Be afraid; be very-”

Yeti: Oh, you’re fine as long as you stay out of the papers and don’t scatter the stacks in your daily hubba hubba whoop whoops.

Boo: My what?

Yeti: Your blurry-furry-scurry hyper-pinball bounce-a-thons.

Boo: Do not talk to me like you don’t have those too.

Yeti: I do indeed. However, I do not charge into random objects in the process like you.

Boo: But now the stacks are everywhere!

Yeti: Don’t exaggerate. There’s a winding pathway cleared here and there – okay…it is a bit out of hand. But it’s temporary.

Boo: It’s eternal!

Yeti: It only seems that way.

Boo: That’s because time stops and you don’t notice it.

Yeti: If time stopped, she wouldn’t stress out over the deadline.

Boo: The line is dead?!? Wait – what line?

Yeti: What? No – the due date, for taxes. She has to send a fee to some place with letters…

Boo: The post office?

Yeti: Well, I guess they’re a step in it too. I mean the…oh, what is it? IRA? No…

Boo: The ER?

Yeti: If she keeps up the way she’s going, maybe…no…IRF or IRS or something…phooey, I don’t remember what it stands for – you know: the tax people.

Boo: The TP?

Yeti: [Scowls] Somehow I think that stands for something else…

Boo: So…tax people…tax people?

Yeti: Yes, they do.

Boo: How did you understand me? I didn’t even understand it.

Yeti: Who really understands taxes? I don’t think most people do.

Boo: Then why do they do it?

Yeti: I don’t know the why, but it seems they have to, like going to the vet to get unpleasant things extracted or probed.

Boo: I think I overheard someone say something about feeling probed in this process.

Yeti: [Wincing] No wonder they’re in such a foul mood. Just stay out of the way till it’s over. You can’t help anyway.

Boo: Maybe I can remind her to take a nap.

Yeti: Yes…good luck with that.

Hiss-trionics ™(Fee-line Frenzy ™ Part 2)

By Catmin | - 23:23 | Yeti AND Boo

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And so, the saga continues. As Missus tries to juggle several projects while prepping taxes, she sinks into an abyss of insanity, driving Peekaboo and Yeti the cats into hiding, or at least into melodramatic theatrics.

Histrionics /his-tree-on-iks/ noun, pl. exaggerated emotional conduct displayed in order to draw attention or a response from observers: Enough with the histrionics; your drama will only delay solving the problem. adj -ic

Boo: …I could hide in this box. Watch.

Yeti: But I can see you…like, I could equally hide in this cage –

Boo: Yeah, I can see what you mean.

Yeti: Now you understand.

Boo: This is harder than it looks.

Yeti: Under the bed?

Boo: Impenetrable.

Yeti: How about behind the couch?

Boo: Not roomy enough.

Yeti: Have you tried behind the dryer?

Boo: Yes. It’s very – ah-choo! – it’s very sneezy there.

Yeti: [Throws paws up] I’ve exhausted this list. There’s only a couple places left, and we may get closed in if we’re not careful. [Shows Boo the entries]

Boo: I always like the closets. Sometimes they even catch me in there and let me stay.

Yeti: It is nice and dark. That’s nice for napping. I just don’t want to get shut in.

Boo: She’s too busy with the tax thingies to get that into straightening things up around here right now.

Yeti: I suppose you’re right. We can use either of the two accessible closets. Those are almost never closed anyway.

Boo: And that will give each of us our own space, if we ever want it.

Yeti: Yes, and we’ll have two handy observation bunkers to offer different views.

Boo: Wish the “show” were more fun. I’ll be glad when this is over.

Yeti: I’m sure she would say the same thing…wait….[reviewing Missus’ most recent activities in her mind]

Boo: What?

Yeti: How long have we been trying to figure this out?

Boo: I don’t know…all day nearly. Why?

Yeti: Because it looks like she’s done for the day [points Boo to peek around the corner at an exhausted Missus, who has now sacked out]. Aw, our human pets are so peaceful looking when they’re asleep.

Boo: Now all our hiding research is moot. We can just crawl up on the bed and relax.

Yeti: [facepalming er, facepawing] I guess we always could have, for that matter….

The Dark Ages (Fee-line Frenzy ™ Part 3)

By Catmin | - 15:02 | Yeti AND Boo

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Scene: Yeti and Peekaboo have taken shelter in the closet, out of the way of Missus’ coming and going, sorting and recording, wailing and gnashing of teeth. Gathering a year’s worth of disorganized tax information and making it make sense is a strain to her artist’s brain.

Yeti: “It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.” [George Orwell, 1984]

Boo: “Oh, the horror, the horror.” [Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness]

Yeti: “These are the times that try men’s souls.” [Thomas Paine, The American Crisis]

Boo: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” [Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities] Forget that. This is the worst of times. When is this tax thing going to be over? I’m tired of being shooed away from stacks of papers. Nowhere is safe except this wardrobe. I want to run around. I want fun.

Yeti: Missus isn’t having any fun. She’s working hard. So is Mister at his job. We don’t have to do much around here. Besides [yawning], I can sleep anywhere, even in here.

Boo: I guess I absorb more anxiety than you do. Maybe I empathize too much.

Yeti: I wouldn’t put it like that. It’s really a good thing that you can empathize, to a degree…just don’t let it take over and destroy you. Worry doesn’t fix anything. It’s wasted energy.

Boo: So how does that make empathy a good thing?

Yeti: You’re the loving one, and anyone can see how much that boosts the Missus’ mood. You see she’s upset and you try to do something about it.

Boo: Aww. That’s nice of you to say.

Yeti: Don’t get used to it.

Boo: You know, you could cheer her up too.

Yeti: [Squirming] Why throw her off with something unexpected? Besides, she’s very busy still.

Boo: Nothing would cheer her up more! Come on, you know it.

Yeti: I guess I could practice what I preach more. But we must respect her schedule, too.

Boo: Understood. Well, time to give up that box you’re on. It’s your shift.

Yeti: So that’s your motivation. [Relinquishing her cozy spot]

Boo: Think what you like. It’s still your turn to provide her “cuteness fix”.

Yeti: [Leaves, mumbling] I feel so dirty….

Cat-astrophe Averted ™(Fee-line Frenzy ™ Part 4)

By Catmin | - 21:19 | Yeti AND Boo

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Yeti: [Returning to the closet from a foray into tax prep zone] I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Boo: [Yawning] You mean from the door of the closet?

Yeti: The stacks are disappearing out there. She’s boxing some up for storage again. She must be almost done with taxes.

Boo: Howl-le-loo-yeah!

Yeti: Can you believe she actually pays someone else to do even more tax stuff for her? What could possibly be left?

Boo: I don’t want to think about it.

Yeti: At least she can concentrate on her other projects now. She said she felt like she’s drowning and if she were smarter it wouldn’t take so long, but she’s saving money doing the parts she does. I’m starting to really feel sorry for humans. They have so many rules, and their lives are so full of toil, and they do all that with maybe half of the sleep we get.

Boo: They’re pretty amazing. Maybe they’re magic too.

Yeti: You would think that they would channel any magic into less work and more sleep.

Boo: Maybe they like working.

Yeti: And hate sleeping?

Boo: Oh, no, they both really want more sleep and are not happy to drag themselves out of bed. They complain about it a lot.

Yeti: True.

Boo: I think we’re not setting a strong enough example. We’re too passive.

Yeti: How do you propose to model sleeping aggressively?

Boo: Remember that phase I went through of sleeping on Missus’ head?

Yeti: Yes. She kept throwing you off because you tried to chew on her hair. Yeah, don’t do that. Hmm.

Boo: I could just sleep on any part of her randomly – but…I already do that to both of them. I can go back to laying on what they’re working on.

Yeti: I don’t recommend that in tax season.

Boo: Well I don’t know what to say. We’ve about become invisible. Even in our normal places we’re not noticed, and even more so in here.

Yeti: That’s it! We’ll sleep out there, in unusual places! They’ll have to notice.

Boo: I’ve always wanted to sleep in the kitchen sink.

Yeti: You know you’ll get in trouble for that. Get more creative.

Boo: Yeesh…someplace unusual, but won’t get me in trouble…um, riiiiight….

Yeti: [Shaking her head] I’m starting to realize how many places we actually sleep.

Boo: But not together.

Yeti: That would get their attention. Ooh, I can imagine them whipping out the camera now. “Pose for the loving family portrait”…such nauseating sentimentality. Posing together would work…but oh, gag.

Boo: [Winces] Maybe you should eat some cat grass to settle your stomach first.

Yeti: Worry not; I was speaking figuratively – um, no offense.

Boo: None taken (ahem) – that is, none that isn’t earned…so let’s bury the hatchet and celebrate – it’s almost over.

Yeti: [Yawns] Can we celebrate with another nap?

Boo: I don’t see why not. How about here?

Yeti: Anywhere; whatever. [Flop!]

The Ides of April ™(Fee-line Frenzy ™ Part 5)

By Catmin | - 22:39 | Yeti AND Boo

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[Scene: a dark closet corner, just after taxes have been mailed. Peekaboo’s eyes glow in the gloom as Yeti spots her.]

Yeti: It’s safe to come out now.

Boo: It’s over. We made it. They made it. I thought we’d be counting the bodies by now.

Yeti: It wasn’t that bad.

Boo: Oh, the horror!

Yeti: I think you may have PTSD.

Boo: Letters! Not more letters! IRS! PTSD! OMG!

Yeti: There, there…you’re traumatized…just keep reminding yourself it’s over – and you made it just fine. And you didn’t even do anything – Missus did it – and she’s fine too.

Boo: [Twitching] The paper stacks…some of them are still…out there.

Yeti: Don’t let them cause you to cower in here. Reclaim your life. Face your fear. They can’t do anything to you now.

Boo: Not for another year…but then it starts again.

Yeti: Well, actually, there are sales taxes too, in December….

Boo: [Glares at Yeti] Oh, not helping!

Yeti: At least she doesn’t do much business….

Boo: Oh great…now it’s bad both ways. I’ll have night terrors about running out of noms!

Yeti: Now, now, you know they’ll never let us starve. You’re just tired from all this stress. Remember the lesson you taught Missus about napping? She’s sleeping right now. Go join her.

Boo: Yes…that’s a good idea. A nap. [Hops on the bed, delicately navigating a few lingering document copies and folders to reach Missus]

Yeti: [Whispering encouragingly] Very good…you’re doing great.

Missus: Mmrmff…[feels Peekaboo’s fur brush her hand, instinctively embraces her] Zzz.

Boo: [Cuddles] Purrrrrrrrrr….

Yeti: [Tiptoes out] Now, we can get back to…um, abnormal.

Easter Kitties

By Catmin | - 00:58 | Yeti AND Boo

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Yeti: Happy Easter.

Boo: Wait…I don’t get it. We live in the West.

Yeti: [shrugging] I didn’t name it.

Boo: I thought it was Halloween with all the candy, but now it’s all light colors instead of spooky ones.

Yeti: Nobody’s dressing us up…I already like it better than Halloween.

Boo: Hooray for that. So what is Easter?

Yeti: Confusing, for sure…something about bunnies, and church. And eggs, and I can’t figure out what those have to do with anything either. And Missus has been practicing pretty songs a lot more than normal this past week.

Boo: It’s very perplexing, but she sure is happy about it, and nicer even than normal. Even considering taxes are over with.

Yeti: Maybe it has to do with the candy.

Boo: [eyes sparkling] Yes…perhaps we should sample some….

Yeti: You do know that will end the nicer-than-normal spell quite abruptly.

Boo: Only if I get caught.

Yeti: You always get caught.

Boo: That’s what you think.

Yeti: Come on, everyone knows you’re an unconvincing liar, oh stealer of my breakfast. Not that you don’t practice.

Boo: How do you know I’m not telling the truth now?

Yeti: Um, your mouth is open and sound is coming out?

Boo: So, you’re saying I’m lying about lying?

Yeti: Maybe. I don’t know…. okay, yes – I’m saying you’re lying about lying.

Boo: But you don’t know. So I’m better at it than you want to admit.

Yeti: Not something to brag about…you do know that lying is also when you just keep silent about the truth, or make gross exaggerations even.

Boo: [Silent]

Yeti: [Wondering if she has been too harsh, or not harsh enough] What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue? Heh, sorry – couldn’t resist.

Boo: [Suddenly pensive] Ha, no. Something else. I’m not sure what it is.

Yeti: [Studying her companion thoughtfully] Could it be…a conscience?

Boo: I’m not unconscious, just…confused.

Yeti: No: conscience, as in, that little voice in your head that tells you lying is wrong.

Boo: How do you know about the voices?

Yeti: Uh, voices, as in plural??

Boo: No! I mean, voice…that voice. It makes me feel guilty.

Yeti: [Wary] You do know dishonesty is bad, right? That it hurts relationships, not to mention that people might not believe you when you need them?

Boo: [Sheepishly] Yeah…that’s already happened.

Yeti: I suspected that. [Puts paw on Boo’s shoulder] You can break the habit. It won’t be easy at first. I can try to help keep you in line.

Boo: How? By tattling?

Yeti: Well, yes, if needed. I haven’t so far – and look where that’s gotten us. [waits for Boo’s quiet acknowledgement] Do you want to do better, so our people trust you – always and forever, and not just so you can pull another fast one? Are you truly repentant – I mean, sorry?

Boo: [Mumbling] I am. I don’t mean to be bad. It just seems easier at the time.

Yeti: But it doesn’t end up that way, does it? It has to feel bad disappointing our People.

Boo: [Tearfully] Oh, it’s just awful! How do I stop?

Yeti: I’m afraid you’ll have to find your own best method for you. It won’t likely happen overnight, so please be patient with yourself. Remember you’ll never be perfect, and remember that Missus and Mister love you anyway no matter what. And [under breath] so do I.

Boo: [Ears perking] What did you say?

Yeti: [Straightening up and looking Peekaboo squarely in the eye] I love you. I care about your happiness, and that of Missus and Mister, and everyone. There. I said it.

Boo: And there it is, ladies and gents: an Easter miracle.

Yeti: Stop exaggerating! [Sighs, smiles and winks]

Boo: I don’t understand it yet, but I’ve decided I like Easter.

Yeti: Me too.

Both: Happy Easter!

Author Archives: Catmin

L’Amour Toujours

Who’s the Alpha Cat?

Missing Mister

St. Catrick’s Day ™

Fee-line Frenzy ™ – (Part 1)

Hiss-trionics ™(Fee-line Frenzy ™ Part 2)

The Dark Ages (Fee-line Frenzy ™ Part 3)

Cat-astrophe Averted ™(Fee-line Frenzy ™ Part 4)

The Ides of April ™(Fee-line Frenzy ™ Part 5)

Easter Kitties

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