Capture of the Yeti ™

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When I first laid eyes on Yeti I knew she was a born celebrity. I mean, just look at her. She was born into the glamorous life: we found her at a cat show; she was only a couple months old, and she had just won seven ribbons. Yeti-the-Cat-At-Cat-Show-by-Lin-Eilee-S-GeorgeYeti-the-Cat-Ribbons-by-Lin-Eilee-George

My husband and I were on the prowl for a kitten to amuse and be companion to our kitty of almost two years, Peekaboo, who got separation anxiety whenever we left the house. I had already converted the hubby from a dog person to a cat person, knowing he only needed to experience the natural charm of a cat to fall in love. He was now a proud cat-papa, and eager for another, because the dynamics are so much fun when there are two fluffy little things to play together. While Peekaboo (a.k.a. Boo) is fantastically social on an individual scale, she doesn’t care for crowds. Yeti grew up in them. Boo gets freaked out by a lot of people; Yeti is very Zen about it. This is Boo:

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How we arrived at Yeti’s name was backward and strange. We had it picked out long before we even arrived at the cat show or knew what breed we wanted. At night a few weeks before, we pulled up in a parking space outside a store, and I strained to identify the species that was sitting perfectly still, times five, in the vehicle adjacent to us, each facing forward in the seat. They weren’t human, and the light was very dim. “What on earth is that?” I mused. My hubby stared, perplexed, as I quizzically added, “Is it…a yeti?” We both snickered. “It’s a whole car full of yetis!” I revealed, eyes adjusting to the gloom. It turned out it was a carload of Weimaraners, their silvery coats looking rather specter-like in the shadows and moonlight. In the context, the shroud of mystery matched that of the legends of the Yeti and Sasquatch. “From now on,” I said, “our generic term for all critters is ‘yeti’ – they’re all yetis!” The Mister agreed.

So we showed up at the cat show, determined to find a kitten who fit the name. Like I said, it’s totally backward. Peekaboo came home nameless – well, with an awful shelter name that we immediately rejected – and we tried on a few dozen names with her until we found one she liked. It was the same name as her favorite game – and since she came running when we said it, she basically got to choose her own name. But this time, we had a name and no kitty…yet. Oh, there were lots of cuties there, but my eyes locked and zoomed in on our little glamour girl from afar, and it was all over. The breeder could sense our interest; we were helplessly transparent and agog. The little Yeti dozed in a lushly padded cage waiting for judging results in a few categories, and we had to wait until the end of the show to take possession. The first time I held her it was like trying to cradle a delicate cloud. She wasn’t cheap, as she was a show cat, but she wasn’t of a breeding quality (or price), her breeder said, because she had a small kink in the end of her tail. “She’s perfect to me,” I cooed in the baby’s face as she snoozed in my gentle embrace.

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Off we raced to the lobby’s ATM. This wasn’t another shelter cat, my account observed. We rushed back to finalize our claim, collect our little angel and her prizes, say our goodbyes to her breeder and her division-winning mother and brother, and took her on her first car ride to a new home. The Mister, a.k.a. “PapaCat”, drove, and I got to hold her up to watch the world go by, watched her fight her sleepiness off by this stimulation, as well as watch the glee with which other vehicle denizens came all unstuck when they spotted her whilst waiting out traffic lights.

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We were immediately enchanted by Yeti. She has an other-worldly aura about her, particularly in person (in cat?). You almost can’t believe that something so pristine, tiny, and perfectly beautiful could be alive, autonomous, and interacting with you in the everyday world. It’s rather like how one might react when suddenly finding oneself in company with a unicorn. She seems like she would have magical powers…she at least appears to have a magical effect on everyone who meets her. I’ve never seen an animal cause so many people so universally to melt in bliss and babble incoherently in delighted coos. Even dog people love her, partially because of her stunning beauty, and partially because she acts like she thinks she’s a dog, but that’s another story altogether. She’s also a born celebrity, but not a diva: more reclusive, like Greta Garbo. She’s a star.

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As clingy as Peekaboo was, we worried if she would be jealous or even bully the newcomer. I guess we knew her well. She was immediately both curious and territorial, and challenged the innocent in a less-than-aggressive manner. She was tentative, I would say. Yeti held her own, the small fry. She was wise in the ways of the world already.   Peekaboo made her feelings known; however, Yeti was undaunted. But each still had a few things to learn about the other as new adversaries, before they could evolve into friends, or at least allies.

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Boo tried to trick Yeti a few times. Sometimes it didn’t work…

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Sometimes it did…well, Yeti is still quite young yet at this point. She learned fast though.

Of course the camera came out, and as feisty and playful as little kittens always are, Yeti gave us lots of great material; actually both of them did.   The occasion called for a new toy, of course, and it was put to good use, and Yeti showed her natural talent for charming an audience:

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At the end of a very exciting day, energy levels began to wane….

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The household finally quieted down and naps were had by all….

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Goodnight!

The Cats’ Coup d’État ™

Aha, I’m in. Hi, I’m Yeti. Now seriously, how can they have a web site about me without letting me actively participate? If I let “The Missus” take over this site it’ll become embarrassingly sentimental (although it is fitting…and a bit flattering).

She’s nearly onto me about the magic…but perhaps she’s merely being facetious. All white pets are strong in magic…we prefer to use it for good, as a rule, and very discreetly. She has to do this site the hard way, so I’ll let her have her say. But I’ll have mine too.

Strolling down memory lane, she is. Aww…look at all my baby pictures – I was a cute kitten, I must admit. But she completely neglected to show how magnificent I have become today (not that I’m vain, mind you). Let’s see if I can find the proper illustrations of this…yes, here:

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Blast, now the other one wants to know what I’m up to. I suppose in the interest of fairness I will let her join in. This is becoming a family affair. I thought this was my site, but I’ll share. *Sigh* [magical incantation in felinese removed for public safety]

Yeti: Bother…now we need captions.

Peekaboo, a.k.a. Boo: Hey this is neat. What’s happening?

Yeti: I enabled your communication. Check it out. It’s my web site.

Boo: You made one of those things our people gape at all the time?

Yeti: No, the Missus did – I’m just improving it.

Boo: Oh.

Yeti: Pretty nice, eh?

Boo: [looking] It’s kind of cool…but there’s not a lot about me.

Yeti: On the contrary; there’s a sizable amount about you. I guess it’s our site. I seem to be the main focus, but you’re featured as a key player. Here, let’s make you your very own page.

Boo: Okay…wow! That was fast.

Yeti: That’s why it’s magic.

Boo: Wish I had so much magic.

Yeti: No you don’t. It’s a heavy responsibility.

Boo: I guess that’s true. To be honest I don’t care much for that stress. As long as you…stay responsible.

Yeti: Don’t worry; I never use it for revenge. My natural abilities are sufficient for that.

Boo: True dat.

Yeti: Excuse me?

Boo: [blushing] Just trying it out.

Yeti: Try this instead [shows Boo where she can pick out a picture of herself].

Boo: Ooh, that one – no, that one – wait…um….

Yeti: Oh, just pick one.

Boo: There. That’s the one.

Yeti: [mumbles secret spell; picture appears on site] And…POW!

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Boo: Oh! That’s one of my favorites. I like the quote she put with it.

Yeti: You look quite svelte there. Where was this?

Boo: It was the house we lived in before they got you.

Yeti: [frowning] Is that why it’s one of your favorites?

Boo: No, no, it’s not that. It’s just…I was young and felt on top of the world.

Yeti: Or on top of the chaise…

Boo: Yeah, on that.

Yeti: Okay, let’s put it, and some others, on your page. There…hmm. Hey listen, [motioning to the screen] we’re going to have to be stealth on this thing.

Boo: What do you mean, on the down low?

Yeti: We can’t have them catching us in the act, you know. It would be…

Boo: CATastrophic.

Yeti: Not the word I would have chosen, oh ye pundit of puns. But yes.

Boo: I take after Mama sometimes. You know, making puns, meows a lot, hyperaware, needy…

Yeti: You’re more self-aware than I gave you credit for.

Boo: That’s another one I take after her on.

Yeti: Granted. But you must be profoundly discreet if you get on here. Understood?

Boo: Definitely. Let them figure it out on their own.

Yeti: That’ll happen soon enough.

Boo: [listening] No kidding. Someone’s coming! Scram!

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Meowy Christmas! ™

Peekaboo and Yeti: Today we’re going to discuss The Holidays.

Boo: We capitalize this term for the occasions, because they seem to be very, very important to our humans.

Yeti: There are several, apparently, but our favorite one our people celebrate is called –

Both: Christmas!

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Boo: Christmas is a time of music, rushing around, too many things in the house, shiny paper and bobbing ribbons, crinkly bags and sacks to hide in, sometimes travel, and people acting crazy by oscillating from really congenial to totally stressed out.

Yeti: The task at hand for felines is to provide comic relief in the times of tension, and perhaps win a special treat or toy in the process.

Boo: Of course, you readily can find your own of each, everywhere you turn. All the best toys come at this time of year, and the food starts being of a different and more exotic variety.

Yeti: I suppose anything different from the norm is termed “exotic”. I still just like my regular food.

Boo: Your life is so dull.

Yeti: I’m cool with it. I experiment elsewhere.

Boo: I like to experiment whenever the opportunity presents itself – especially where food is concerned.

Yeti: Your interpretation of “opportunity” greatly differs from that of our People. And in this case it often leads to acute gastric distress and solitary confinement.

Boo: But it’s worth it. Carpe diem.

Yeti: Seize the day, not seize the duck.

Boo: Mmm, duck.

Yeti: Slipped right out of you it did.

Boo: It was kind of greasy…caused a little leakage.

Yeti: Boundaries, Boo! TMI.

Boo: [blushes as she looks back at Yeti] Pardon.

Yeti: Be sure not to overdo it; remember that this is a season of giving and kindness.

Boo: Then I would like to give you a bath behind the ears without a fight.

Yeti: But you bite them, so kindly keep your paws off me.

Boo: [squints at Yeti]

Yeti: [squints back at Boo]

Peekaboo and Yeti: [staring each other down a moment, then remembering the mlog]: Oh! Anyway, HAVE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

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Yeti on First Friday

Boo: Where were you half the night?

Yeti: The Missus took me to the gallery.

Boo: What for?

Yeti: Apparently, I’m art.

Boo: [Laughing]

Yeti: [Indignantly] What? I can be art.

Boo: [Falling over still laughing]

Yeti: She put me on a pedestal for heaven’s sake.

Boo: [Sobering] Well, what makes that any different than at home?

Yeti: You don’t have to be jealous. It was most annoying. There were dogs there.

Boo: [Suddenly serious] Ooh. That’s not good.

Yeti: I was simply NOT in the mood. They smelled bad.

Boo: How many were there?

Yeti: Three.

Boo: So it smelled three times worse.

Yeti: That’s the truth.

Boo: So, you were on display…and nobody bought you? [Grins]

Yeti: She put an NFS sign by me I guess.

Boo: “Notice…Feline…Sitting”?

Yeti: “Not For Sale”!!!

Boo: Oh. Then what’s the point?

Yeti: So the other humans could ooh and ah at me too. Her type seem to like doing that. I admit that I did ask for it, winding around her legs till she took me with her. Surprisingly, I got mauled less there than I do here at home. She let me sleep most of the time, on top of her sweater.

Boo: See? You’re on a pedestal indeed! She never lets me sleep on her clothes.

Yeti: She doesn’t have to let you. You do it anyway. She just wanted me comfy. That was kind of nice.

Boo: And the dogs?

Yeti: She wouldn’t let them near me. Others also in charge there protected my space as well, except, of course, from the humans, themselves included.

Boo: Sounds kinda nice.

Yeti: It was…different. I learned things.

Boo: Think you’ll do it again?

Yeti: Maybe. Sometimes you have to shake things up. I like a good party.

Boo: I’d never know it. You’re so anti-social.

Yeti: Not throwing myself at people isn’t anti-social. I’m pretty comfortable with people around me. They’re always very flattering, even if they do make absurd noises at me. And there were so many there! Not all at once, but lots at a time, in and out, and then more.

Boo: Like, how many?

Yeti: Maybe, like the number of noms in the big food bag.

Boo: [Eyes growing large with sparkles] Ooh, noms…lots of noms…hungry….

Yeti: Focus here.

Boo: Sorry. [Shaking head] I can’t imagine that many people.

Yeti: I couldn’t have either, had I not seen them myself. So many sizes and shapes.

Boo: Sounds like the place was lousy with them. Why were they there?

Yeti: Mostly to look at the art.

Boo: And that’s what The Missus makes with her colors?

Yeti: Yes! And I saw some of the ones there that used to be here – the ones that went missing – they’re in the gallery.

Boo: So that’s where they go! Wait…you said “some” of them.

Yeti: Yes; that’s because a couple were missing even from there.

Boo: Do you think someone took them?

Yeti: People do that there, but they give little pieces of paper or wave plastic in return.

Boo: That doesn’t sound like an even trade. Those color things are really big.

Yeti: Seems to make them happy, though.

Boo: Well, if they’re happy…we get fed.

Yeti: I’m pretty sure that’s how it works.

Boo: Maybe we should help her make more of the color squares, er, art.

Yeti: She was babbling at me about that. Apparently they make colors for cats.

Boo: Really? Why doesn’t she let us use them?

Yeti: I don’t think she has the cat kind yet. The people sorts are bad, for us at least.

Boo: Ooh, I hope she gets us our own colors. That sounds fun!

Yeti: Me too, but some of them look a lot the same…she calls them “paint”, and the squares are named “canvases” and “paintings” and “art” too. So many names for the same thing; humans are silly wasteful things. …What would you “paint”, if you could?

Boo: Noms, of course. Then I’d lick ’em off the squares.

Yeti: You mean off the canvas – but…how very predictable of you.

Boo: Well, what would you paint?

Yeti: I couldn’t say. I always thought myself more of a deconstructivist found-object assemblage manipulation performance sculptor.

Boo: Huh?

Yeti: I staple the edges of box flaps with my fangs. A plant pulp perforator, if you will.

Boo: Ha ha, and you get stuck!

Yeti: It always makes the audience smile when my teeth squeak into the cardboard.

Boo: [Shaking her head] You’re not really so prim and proper.

Yeti: Nothing says art has to be so serious. One should enjoy what one does. I do.

Boo: I see. So what kind of artist do you think I should be?

Yeti: You? [pauses to think a bit] …Hmm. Ah! A culinary artist.

Boo: What’s that?

Yeti: Your dream job: you get to work in noms.

Boo: [Eyes growing large with sparkles] Ooh, noms…lots of noms….

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To see the “pretty flat boxy thingies with colors”, go to: eileegeorge.com

 

The Yeti Says: Brrrr! ™

Peekaboo (a.k.a. “Boo“): Hey, your favorite white stuff is out there.

Yeti: [Rearing up and leaning against the glass with her front paws] It snowed last night? Excellent.

Boo: I’m not as thrilled as you are.

Yeti: It’s fun stuff, even if it is cold! Whoohoo!

Boo: My fur isn’t as thick as yours, so you’re on your own. Better get Missus’ attention if you want to go out. Don’t get so excited that you forget to display the mandatory Cat-on-the-Threshold Syndrome; we have an image to uphold.

Yeti: But of course.

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Yeti and Boo’d Like Some Food ™

Boo: What is this ‘limit the cat food’ kick they’re on? This schedule is tedious.

Yeti: It’s because you Hoover your food, and immediately turn it into a projectile.

Boo: What’s wrong with that?

Yeti: For one, it’s wasteful; second, you Hoover from my bowl too; third –

Boo: You snooze; you lose.

Yeti: You don’t have to store it all in your fat for winter or something. They’re not going to starve you.

Boo: But..but…but we never know how long they’ll be gone!

Yeti: Have they ever been gone that long? Have they ever starved you?

Boo: I don’t know. I’m starving now.

Yeti: You’re delusional. You just ate.

Boo: But I’m starving!

Yeti: You are not.

Boo: Prove it!

Yeti: You’re still complaining…proof enough.

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Yeti’s Advice to Kitties ™

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Yeti: Today, a lesson for the kitties.

Boo: I want to help!

Yeti: Uh, no…this is a solo entry. Go on. Go. Shoo. Scat. Get out. Now.

Boo: Well, I never…

Yeti: You never leave me alone! Scat, cat! No, sorry – but really…please leave.

Boo: Okay, okay….[exits stage left]

Yeti: First, I want to state very plainly that this reading is FOR CATS ONLY. Humans, this is of no interest to you, so politely move on.

Now, I have amassed a wealth of experience that I feel is my duty to pass on to the next generation. Since I have no kittens of my own, I am using this wonderful venue of the interwebs to get my message out.

Boo: [poking head back in room] Oh, brother.

Yeti: Scram! [briefly leaves chair to rush the door, and returns] Please pardon the interruption. There will be no more of that, I assure you.

Anyway, the trick to dealing with humans is L.T.E. – Lower Their Expectations.

Take Peekaboo, my roommate and basically my polar opposite. She is a desperate, pathetic, fawning beggar, and pesters our caretakers beyond distraction, until they get impatient. She climbs on them and mauls them when they’re trying to eat and tries to steal their food. She steals my food, too – at which they get quite upset, to their credit. She also wigs out at every little thing; jumps at nothing, and is a nervous creature I’ve heard them compare to something called Alvy played by Woody Allen in Annie Hall. She’s completely neurotic, hyperactive, always in crisis and very high maintenance. In short, her amp is turned up to eleven. It’s often too much for them.

I, on the other hand, play it cool. I model the Zen world of felinity, and I suppose it’s a bit of culture shock for them, compared to her, but they have learned to adjust and accept me for who I am, for the most part.

If you struggle when they try to cuddle with you, they’ll eventually give up. I know some of you actually like this sentimental rot, but it’s a bad habit to develop in them; they’ll maul you more each time. I’ve even learned to generate sneezes on cue to startle or gross them out (although this is extreme, and may require extra grooming).

By not cuddling with them on anything resembling a regular basis, any occasion of doing so is deemed a ‘miracle’ and they’ll fall to pieces and become your slave.

By not coming running every time I’m called, they make a bigger deal of it when I do.

By eating all but a couple of pieces of my food, I demonstrate both gratitude and fullness.

By being aloof and having the reputation of being standoffish, they expect less from me.

It takes sooo much less effort. That yields more naptime.

You can see the advantages.

I have now cemented my place as the “good” cat in the household, because I never get on the kitchen counter, like someone else here does. Why should I eat their food? They don’t eat mine. Why should I block the lid for their weird shiny litter box when they come home? They don’t block mine. It’s pure logic. My restraint is my brand.

Now, if I want food off schedule, all I have to do is the rare ankle rub, and they’ll coo and drop anything they’re doing to do any little thing I want – Every. Single. Time.

On the other hand, Peekaboo rubs around them incessantly, trips them on the stairs, gets accused of trying to kill them, yowls her head off, and is put in solitary in the bathroom after so long of it, until she calms down. Can’t say I blame them; I would do the same – or worse.

Peekaboo’s problem is that she raised their expectations, got results, and then overdid it. She turned it up so much she’s overwhelming and annoying. Do not follow her example.

Kittens, you’re young and you set the bar as soon as they take you home. There’s only one chance to make a first impression. Make it underwhelming.

[Turns as The Mister enters the room, and affects an expression of innocence for him]

Mister: Yeti, what are you doing at the computer?

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Yeti: [Batting her big blue eyes and sitting up on her haunches] Mew?

Mister: [Reaching for her] Aww, look how cute you are. Come on, let’s take a look at you…. Quit struggling!

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Who’s the Alpha Cat?

 

Yeti-the-Cat-Gals-N-Cats-by-Lin-Eilee-S-GeorgeBoo: [Raises a brow as Yeti strolls to meet her in the office] What do you look so smug about?

Yeti: [Matter-of-factly] I’m breaking the Missus in.

Boo: What do you mean?

Yeti: She’s starting to respond to my cues [smiles with eyes half-closed]. You know she already feeds me in bed so I don’t even have to get up…

Boo: [Sticking her tongue out in disgust] boy, do I.

Yeti: Well, the crinkly bag was on the corner of the bed earlier, so instead of settling into “my spot” by the dish when she brought dinner, I curled up on the bag, and gave her a look, and she immediately just “got” it – she even said, “Oh, do we wish to dine on the terrace tonight?” and moved the bowl out of its place to set it in front of me on the bag. I didn’t have to make a squeak. Yes…her training is coming along nicely.

Boo: [Mimicking Yeti’s expressions] And to what do you give credit for this newfound obedience?

Yeti: I kissed up to her earlier letting her brush me while I was on her lap.

Boo: [Shocked] On her lap? You???

Yeti: It wasn’t bad, I must say…very relaxing…kind of lost track of time, really.

Boo: I’ve been telling you…

Yeti: But I won’t let her get too much in the habit. [Studying her claws] Poor thing, she didn’t know what hit her. I have her right where I want her.

Boo: [Rolling her eyes] Um…yeah.

[Meanwhile, in the den]

Mister: What do you look so smug about?

Missus: I think I’m breaking the Yeti in.

Mister: How’s that?

Missus: You know how she loves being brushed…I warmed her up brushing her where she lay snoozing, and then I dragged her over to my lap, and brushed her much more…she didn’t fight much at first, and then she actually fell asleep on my lap!

Mister: [Leaning forward] You have got to be kidding. Her???

Missus: I was shocked. I didn’t dare move for half an hour. Phone rang and I didn’t even move to pick up – till she moved on her own later.

Mister: I wouldn’t either! What a rare treat! Think she’ll do it again?

Missus: Oh, I made sure to do the positive reinforcement thing. I even brought her food over to her on that plastic bag the cats have been playing with. She looked so grateful [smiles while remembering]. Oh…I know how to work her. I am so winning this thing.

Mister: [Grinning] Whatever you say….

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Cat and Mousi ™

Yeti-the-Cat-N-Mousi-2Missus: Omigosh that’s so kyoooot!

Mister: [Emerging from another room] What – what am I missing?

Missus: Aww, come look! Yeti’s bathing Mousi like it’s her kitten!

Mister: Now that’s just adorable.

Missus: Makes you wonder what she would do with a real mouse.

Mister: She does bite it sometimes.

Missus: She bites herself sometimes, when bathing…oh but it’s just little love bites.

Mister: Pretty darn cute. Who knew she was so maternal? I wonder if she would have wanted kittens.

Missus: Oh, lots of little white fluffy Yetis! How heavenly!

Mister: Too bad she was fixed before we found her.

Missus: So sad. I want more Yetis – but…ones that cuddle like Peekaboos.

Mister: Between the two of them we have the perfect cat…

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Mewsical Mewsings ™

Yeti-the-Cat-Uke-1Peekaboo: What do you call that little curvy box with strings on it that Missus has started playing?

Yeti: Annoying.

Boo: I don’t think that’s it.

Yeti: [Glibly] It is when I’m trying to sleep.

Boo: [Rolls her eyes] Fine, don’t tell me.

Yeti: [Sighs] It’s like a little guitar; she calls it something like “yuke” or “ook” – which is pretty much what I think of it, until she gets better.

Boo: [Sticking out her tongue] Like this? Yuk…or is it ookh?

Yeti: Either one works for me. Do I have to leave your presence too in order to get a nap?!

Boo: [Frowning] I’m not trying to bug you; I’m just trying to understand what she’s doing.

Yeti: She’s making music…well, such as it is. I have to admit she’s gotten better pretty quickly, but I get tired of hearing the same few songs over and over.

Boo: Maybe that’s how they get better – people who make music. The ones on her and Mister’s computers must do the same songs over and over and over, lots and lots.

Yeti: That’s probably true. And a lot of that I actually do like. [Yeti lazily starts bathing her own face]

Boo: Don’t you like anything that Missus plays on the…uh…yoo-uk?

Yeti: The first couple of songs she learned are getting pretty nice…but I would rather hear her singing more like before. I prefer her gospel, jazz and lullabies. Her original stuff is fun too and I think it would sound great on the thing once she learns it. [Washes ears]

Boo: Now she sings and plays at the same time. That’s pretty neat.

Yeti: True…accompaniment does make it easier for me to follow the tune. Hey – she can do whatever she likes – as long as she doesn’t regress back into metal, grunge, goth, and prog rock too much like Mister….

Boo: Into what? Methogoprunjothrogarp?

Yeti: [Freezes mid-lick, blankly staring at Boo] …Never mind.

Yeti-the-Cat-Uke