Boo: All right, Yeti, you’re not the only one with advice.
Yeti: I tremble for the next generation…
Boo: There is more than one way to skin a…oh, ooh – let’s rephrase that.
Yeti: Let’s!
Boo: There is more than one philosophy in life. If everyone lived the same, life would be much more boring.
Yeti: And much more peaceful.
Boo: [bluntly] It’s your turn to get out.
Yeti: Whatever. [Exits gracefully]
Boo: That was easy….
Yeti: [from hallway] See? – Peaceful.
Boo: Not yet!
Yeti: [silence]
Boo: [listening] …Well…okay, she’s gone now. What she doesn’t seem to realize is that there is more than one school of charm school. Not all of us were fortunate enough to be born in the lap of luxury. She has the looks, but I have cattitude. It’s this mysterious, irresistible quality in my purrsonality. When they came and visited me at the shelter, they weren’t even looking for a cat like me. I made them change their minds. How? I seduced them with my charm.
This is how I did it: I was in a cage with my cellmate, Chari. Chari was younger than me and pretty helpless in the grooming department, but highly adoptable as a youngster, so I saw them coming and started bathing her head – she couldn’t get to it herself, anyway. Chari turned on her purring, and I mine, and we were a pair to behold. I had to really work it, because I was older, and that counts against you in adoptions. Well, it paid off. They saw how nurturing I was, and they were besotted.
They asked to visit me in a special room with toys. I batted, rolled, played clumsily like a younger kitten than I was, and then started ignoring the toys and paying attention to them. They were down on the floor with me, which made it very easy to climb on their laps. Incidentally, I believe people get cats because they’re lonely, or maybe don’t or can’t have children but want something to love along with each other. Well, I say that’s gonna be me.
So with first her and then him, I stood up on my hind legs on their laps, put my front paws on either side of their necks and hugged them like a little human child – but better than that, I purred and tickled them with my fur, and licked their ears. They melted! Works every time.
Brother, this is all you need to know.
These overgrown creatures need love, even when they have each other, because we give a kind of love that’s different than theirs. Give it with your whole heart, and you’ll always have a home.
And don’t worry about Chari. Someone was falling for her before my papers were signed.
