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Fee-line Frenzy ™ – (Part 1)

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Yeti-the-Cat-1040

Boo: Um…what tornado tore through the house? It, uh, looks like it kind of smacked Missus in the face too.

Yeti: [Grimacing] Don’t tell me you have forgotten…. It’s tax season.

Boo: [Ducking] oNOOOOnonononono – I remember this – hide me!!! “Be afraid; be very-”

Yeti: Oh, you’re fine as long as you stay out of the papers and don’t scatter the stacks in your daily hubba hubba whoop whoops.

Boo: My what?

Yeti: Your blurry-furry-scurry hyper-pinball bounce-a-thons.

Boo: Do not talk to me like you don’t have those too.

Yeti: I do indeed. However, I do not charge into random objects in the process like you.

Boo: But now the stacks are everywhere!

Yeti: Don’t exaggerate. There’s a winding pathway cleared here and there – okay…it is a bit out of hand. But it’s temporary.

Boo: It’s eternal!

Yeti: It only seems that way.

Boo: That’s because time stops and you don’t notice it.

Yeti: If time stopped, she wouldn’t stress out over the deadline.

Boo: The line is dead?!? Wait – what line?

Yeti: What? No – the due date, for taxes. She has to send a fee to some place with letters…

Boo: The post office?

Yeti: Well, I guess they’re a step in it too. I mean the…oh, what is it? IRA? No…

Boo: The ER?

Yeti: If she keeps up the way she’s going, maybe…no…IRF or IRS or something…phooey, I don’t remember what it stands for – you know: the tax people.

Boo: The TP?

Yeti: [Scowls] Somehow I think that stands for something else…

Boo: So…tax people…tax people?

Yeti: Yes, they do.

Boo: How did you understand me? I didn’t even understand it.

Yeti: Who really understands taxes? I don’t think most people do.

Boo: Then why do they do it?

Yeti: I don’t know the why, but it seems they have to, like going to the vet to get unpleasant things extracted or probed.

Boo: I think I overheard someone say something about feeling probed in this process.

Yeti: [Wincing] No wonder they’re in such a foul mood. Just stay out of the way till it’s over. You can’t help anyway.

Boo: Maybe I can remind her to take a nap.

Yeti: Yes…good luck with that.

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Hiss-trionics ™(Fee-line Frenzy ™ Part 2)

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Yeti-the-Cat-1040

And so, the saga continues. As Missus tries to juggle several projects while prepping taxes, she sinks into an abyss of insanity, driving Peekaboo and Yeti the cats into hiding, or at least into melodramatic theatrics.

Histrionics /his-tree-on-iks/ noun, pl.  exaggerated emotional conduct displayed in order to draw attention or a response from observers: Enough with the histrionics; your drama will only delay solving the problem. adj -ic

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Boo: …I could hide in this box. Watch.

Yeti: But I can see you…like, I could equally hide in this cage –

The-Caged-Yeti-Sings

Boo: Yeah, I can see what you mean.

Yeti: Now you understand.

Boo: This is harder than it looks.

Yeti: Under the bed?

Boo: Impenetrable.

Yeti: How about behind the couch?

Boo: Not roomy enough.

Yeti: Have you tried behind the dryer?

Boo: Yes. It’s very – ah-choo! – it’s very sneezy there.

Yeti: [Throws paws up] I’ve exhausted this list. There’s only a couple places left, and we may get closed in if we’re not careful. [Shows Boo the entries]

Boo: I always like the closets. Sometimes they even catch me in there and let me stay.

Yeti: It is nice and dark. That’s nice for napping. I just don’t want to get shut in.

Boo: She’s too busy with the tax thingies to get that into straightening things up around here right now.

Yeti: I suppose you’re right. We can use either of the two accessible closets. Those are almost never closed anyway.

Boo: And that will give each of us our own space, if we ever want it.

Yeti: Yes, and we’ll have two handy observation bunkers to offer different views.

Boo: Wish the “show” were more fun. I’ll be glad when this is over.

Yeti: I’m sure she would say the same thing…wait….[reviewing Missus’ most recent activities in her mind]

Boo: What?

Yeti: How long have we been trying to figure this out?

Boo: I don’t know…all day nearly. Why?

Yeti: Because it looks like she’s done for the day [points Boo to peek around the corner at an exhausted Missus, who has now sacked out]. Aw, our human pets are so peaceful looking when they’re asleep.

Boo: Now all our hiding research is moot. We can just crawl up on the bed and relax.

Yeti: [facepalming er, facepawing] I guess we always could have, for that matter….

Yeti-Peekaboo-Cats-Chair-Hideout

The Dark Ages (Fee-line Frenzy ™ Part 3)

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Yeti-the-Cat-1040

Scene: Yeti and Peekaboo have taken shelter in the closet, out of the way of Missus’ coming and going, sorting and recording, wailing and gnashing of teeth. Gathering a year’s worth of disorganized tax information and making it make sense is a strain to her artist’s brain.

Yeti: “It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.” [George Orwell, 1984]

Boo: “Oh, the horror, the horror.” [Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness]

Yeti: “These are the times that try men’s souls.” [Thomas Paine, The American Crisis]

Boo: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” [Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities] Forget that. This is the worst of times. When is this tax thing going to be over? I’m tired of being shooed away from stacks of papers. Nowhere is safe except this wardrobe. I want to run around. I want fun.

Yeti: Missus isn’t having any fun. She’s working hard. So is Mister at his job. We don’t have to do much around here. Besides [yawning], I can sleep anywhere, even in here.

Boo: I guess I absorb more anxiety than you do. Maybe I empathize too much.

Yeti: I wouldn’t put it like that. It’s really a good thing that you can empathize, to a degree…just don’t let it take over and destroy you. Worry doesn’t fix anything. It’s wasted energy.

Boo: So how does that make empathy a good thing?

Yeti: You’re the loving one, and anyone can see how much that boosts the Missus’ mood. You see she’s upset and you try to do something about it.

Boo: Aww. That’s nice of you to say.

Yeti: Don’t get used to it.

Boo: You know, you could cheer her up too.

Yeti: [Squirming] Why throw her off with something unexpected? Besides, she’s very busy still.

Boo: Nothing would cheer her up more! Come on, you know it.

Yeti: I guess I could practice what I preach more. But we must respect her schedule, too.

Boo: Understood. Well, time to give up that box you’re on. It’s your shift.

Yeti: So that’s your motivation. [Relinquishing her cozy spot]

Boo: Think what you like. It’s still your turn to provide her “cuteness fix”.

Yeti: [Leaves, mumbling] I feel so dirty….

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Cat-astrophe Averted ™(Fee-line Frenzy ™ Part 4)

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Yeti-the-Cat-1040

Yeti: [Returning to the closet from a foray into tax prep zone] I think I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Boo: [Yawning] You mean from the door of the closet?

Yeti: The stacks are disappearing out there. She’s boxing some up for storage again. She must be almost done with taxes.

Boo: Howl-le-loo-yeah!

Yeti: Can you believe she actually pays someone else to do even more tax stuff for her? What could possibly be left?

Boo: I don’t want to think about it.

Yeti: At least she can concentrate on her other projects now. She said she felt like she’s drowning and if she were smarter it wouldn’t take so long, but she’s saving money doing the parts she does. I’m starting to really feel sorry for humans. They have so many rules, and their lives are so full of toil, and they do all that with maybe half of the sleep we get.

Boo: They’re pretty amazing. Maybe they’re magic too.

Yeti: You would think that they would channel any magic into less work and more sleep.

Boo: Maybe they like working.

Yeti: And hate sleeping?

Boo: Oh, no, they both really want more sleep and are not happy to drag themselves out of bed. They complain about it a lot.

Yeti: True.

Boo: I think we’re not setting a strong enough example. We’re too passive.

Yeti: How do you propose to model sleeping aggressively?

Boo: Remember that phase I went through of sleeping on Missus’ head?

Yeti: Yes. She kept throwing you off because you tried to chew on her hair. Yeah, don’t do that. Hmm.

Boo: I could just sleep on any part of her randomly – but…I already do that to both of them. I can go back to laying on what they’re working on.

Yeti: I don’t recommend that in tax season.

Boo: Well I don’t know what to say. We’ve about become invisible. Even in our normal places we’re not noticed, and even more so in here.

Yeti: That’s it! We’ll sleep out there, in unusual places! They’ll have to notice.

Boo: I’ve always wanted to sleep in the kitchen sink.

Yeti: You know you’ll get in trouble for that. Get more creative.

Boo: Yeesh…someplace unusual, but won’t get me in trouble…um, riiiiight….

Yeti: [Shaking her head] I’m starting to realize how many places we actually sleep.

Boo: But not together.

Yeti: That would get their attention. Ooh, I can imagine them whipping out the camera now. “Pose for the loving family portrait”…such nauseating sentimentality. Posing together would work…but oh, gag.

Boo: [Winces] Maybe you should eat some cat grass to settle your stomach first.

Yeti: Worry not; I was speaking figuratively – um, no offense.

Boo: None taken (ahem) – that is, none that isn’t earned…so let’s bury the hatchet and celebrate – it’s almost over.

Yeti: [Yawns] Can we celebrate with another nap?

Boo: I don’t see why not. How about here?

Yeti: Anywhere; whatever. [Flop!]

Yeti-the-Cat-YetiSleepBooAwake

The Ides of April ™(Fee-line Frenzy ™ Part 5)

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Yeti-the-Cat-1040

[Scene: a dark closet corner, just after taxes have been mailed. Peekaboo’s eyes glow in the gloom as Yeti spots her.]

Yeti: It’s safe to come out now.

Boo: It’s over. We made it. They made it. I thought we’d be counting the bodies by now.

Yeti: It wasn’t that bad.

Boo: Oh, the horror!

Yeti: I think you may have PTSD.

Boo: Letters! Not more letters! IRS! PTSD! OMG!

Yeti: There, there…you’re traumatized…just keep reminding yourself it’s over – and you made it just fine. And you didn’t even do anything – Missus did it – and she’s fine too.

Boo: [Twitching] The paper stacks…some of them are still…out there.

Yeti: Don’t let them cause you to cower in here. Reclaim your life. Face your fear. They can’t do anything to you now.

Boo: Not for another year…but then it starts again.

Yeti: Well, actually, there are sales taxes too, in December….

Boo: [Glares at Yeti] Oh, not helping!

Yeti: At least she doesn’t do much business….

Boo: Oh great…now it’s bad both ways. I’ll have night terrors about running out of noms!

Yeti: Now, now, you know they’ll never let us starve. You’re just tired from all this stress. Remember the lesson you taught Missus about napping? She’s sleeping right now. Go join her.

Boo: Yes…that’s a good idea. A nap. [Hops on the bed, delicately navigating a few lingering document copies and folders to reach Missus]

Yeti: [Whispering encouragingly] Very good…you’re doing great.

Missus: Mmrmff…[feels Peekaboo’s fur brush her hand, instinctively embraces her] Zzz.

Boo: [Cuddles] Purrrrrrrrrr….

Yeti: [Tiptoes out] Now, we can get back to…um, abnormal.

Yeti-the-Cat-Boo-Snooze

Cat’s Eyes ™(Part 1)

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Blinking feline/marble cat's eyes

Boo: Why don’t our people’s eyes glow in the dark like ours?

Yeti: The poor things are relatively blind. I don’t know if that’s cause or effect.

Boo: And why do your eyes glow a different color than mine?

Yeti: I guess because they start out different colors. Missus says your yellow-green ones glow turquoise, and my baby blues glow…[sigh]…red.

Boo: And even to me you look truly evil then, when they’re red.

Yeti: [Pouting] I can’t help it. As long as it helps me multiply light in darker areas, I’m pleased that it’s at least functional.

Boo: Don’t you think that it’s peculiar that we have limited color perception while we simultaneously have so many colors in our eyes?

Yeti: [Taken aback by Boo’s improved vocabulary] Why, yes. I do. You really sounded smart just then!

Boo: What, you think that I don’t know any big words? [Grins]

Yeti: Well, it’s not reasonable to expect me to – unless you use them.

Boo: [Nodding, then shrugging] It still doesn’t feel natural. I’ll have to get used to it bit by bit.

Yeti: I can see that.

Boo: Even in the dark.

Yeti-and-Peekaboo-Laser-Cats

 

Cat’s Eyes (Part 2): Yikes, Yeti! ™

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Blinking feline/marble cat's eyes

Yeti: Looks like it’s nearly time for Meowloween again. Mister brought home a heap of candy yesterday.

Boo: Hooray! [Licks chops]

Yeti: Come on, you know better than that.

Boo: I can dream. Wonder if it’ll even last until the freaky little humans come to the door; he usually has to get reinforcements. It seems to be the only thing that works to make them go away. I wish I could get food for just hanging around by a door!

Yeti: You’d never leave it. Luckily this only happens once a year. Frankly, I get a little creeped out by all the scary-looking kids beating on the door.

Boo: Well, you can just creep them out right back.

Yeti: As angelic as I look? Surely you jest.

Boo: Ha, you don’t see yourself in the “light” I get to sometimes. And don’t call me Shirley.

Yeti: [Groaning] That joke’s way older than Missus.

Boo: [Glibly] I appreciate the classics.

Yeti: Still – I think your comment on my image shows that you’re delusional.

Boo: Hardly. I have documentation.

Yeti: Oh really?

Boo: Yes. Like this:

Yeti-the-Cat-Demon-Figment-Of-Imagination

Yeti: Oh my. That’s not Photoshopped is it?

Boo: You know I’m too lazy to set you up doing all that work. And there’s plenty more:

Yeti-Demon-Kitty-Secret-Lair-Kill-U

Yeti: [Wincing] Oh…oh! That’s even from when I was still little. How often does this happen?

Boo: Enough to amuse Missus to put such goofy captions to them. Gotta love irony.

Yeti: [Pouts] I don’t think it’s funny.

Boo: I do!

Yeti-Demon-Cat-U-Next

Yeti: Stop showing those things! I look possessed. [Frowns]

Boo: Oh, come on, I do it too. Embrace the magic. It’s almost Meowloween.

Yeti: Well…maybe I can scare off those creepy kiddies, if I can work the light angle right.

Boo: You’re better equipped with the red eye. Positively evil. It’s such great contrast against your normal appearance.

Yeti: [Nodding with a mischievous smirk] They won’t know what hit ’em.

Boo: Atta girl. Now stop looking at me like that.

Yeti: I can’t help it!

Christmews Wrap ™(Part 1)

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XmasGiftKittiesYeti: [Stumbling upon a newly-appeared cache of Holiday wraps and bows] Ah-hahaha…I know what this means!

Boo: Oh boy!!! [Charges into the pile, scattering cardboard, tissue and ribbon everywhere]

Yeti: [Hearing approaching footsteps] Ssshhh! You blew it noisy girl – here she comes.

Boo: Rats. Scram!

Missus: [Entering the area in a panic] Kitties! Outta there! [She flushes them out of the room and closes the door.] I can’t leave my guard down for one moment with you two. Gnawing ribbons is dangerous. I shouldn’t have left the door open. Go on now; scoot!

Kitties: Mew? Purrroww?

Missus: Go on. Santa’s going to leave coal in your stockings, if you’re not careful.

Boo: [In a whisper to Yeti as they skedaddle] Is that edible?

Yeti: [Whispering back] If you like stuff on fire.

Boo: [Out loud, sticking her tongue out] No thanks.

Missus: [From the room they were just in] Hello? Kitties, is that you?

Yeti: [Still whispering to Boo] Keep it down; you’re going to ruin us! [Boo winces; they run upstairs]

Boo: That was close!

Yeti: We have a pact; she just can’t catch us talking. There’s a lot of sneaking around hiding things this time of year, and we’re going to have to be extra careful; we’re too in the habit of using their language. I’m putting the kibosh on it for now.

Boo: Even on the mlog?

Yeti: No, silly.

Boo: Right. What fun are the holidays if we can’t mess with their minds? [She jumps as a toy fish lands next to them from out of nowhere] MEOW!

Yeti: [Facepaws] We’re through….

Boo: [Rattled, whispering again] …uh…w-where is she? [Yeti shrugs, scouts and returns]

Yeti: I don’t see her. She must have thrown it up the stairwell and left. We’re safe. Whew.

Boo: Or…she’s messing with us.

Both Kitties: [Tails drooping with dread] Nooo….

Missus: [Coming up the stairs] Kitties! Who wants supervised ribbon-playing time?

Kitties: Meow! Me! Mew! Me!

Missus: Aw, you’re almost talking. There it is. Get it! Yeah, that’s right! Good girls!

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