Christmews Wrap ™(Part 1)

XmasGiftKittiesYeti: [Stumbling upon a newly-appeared cache of Holiday wraps and bows] Ah-hahaha…I know what this means!

Boo: Oh boy!!! [Charges into the pile, scattering cardboard, tissue and ribbon everywhere]

Yeti: [Hearing approaching footsteps] Ssshhh! You blew it noisy girl – here she comes.

Boo: Rats. Scram!

Missus: [Entering the area in a panic] Kitties! Outta there! [She flushes them out of the room and closes the door.] I can’t leave my guard down for one moment with you two. Gnawing ribbons is dangerous. I shouldn’t have left the door open. Go on now; scoot!

Kitties: Mew? Purrroww?

Missus: Go on. Santa’s going to leave coal in your stockings, if you’re not careful.

Boo: [In a whisper to Yeti as they skedaddle] Is that edible?

Yeti: [Whispering back] If you like stuff on fire.

Boo: [Out loud, sticking her tongue out] No thanks.

Missus: [From the room they were just in] Hello? Kitties, is that you?

Yeti: [Still whispering to Boo] Keep it down; you’re going to ruin us! [Boo winces; they run upstairs]

Boo: That was close!

Yeti: We have a pact; she just can’t catch us talking. There’s a lot of sneaking around hiding things this time of year, and we’re going to have to be extra careful; we’re too in the habit of using their language. I’m putting the kibosh on it for now.

Boo: Even on the mlog?

Yeti: No, silly.

Boo: Right. What fun are the holidays if we can’t mess with their minds? [She jumps as a toy fish lands next to them from out of nowhere] MEOW!

Yeti: [Facepaws] We’re through….

Boo: [Rattled, whispering again] …uh…w-where is she? [Yeti shrugs, scouts and returns]

Yeti: I don’t see her. She must have thrown it up the stairwell and left. We’re safe. Whew.

Boo: Or…she’s messing with us.

Both Kitties: [Tails drooping with dread] Nooo….

Missus: [Coming up the stairs] Kitties! Who wants supervised ribbon-playing time?

Kitties: Meow! Me! Mew! Me!

Missus: Aw, you’re almost talking. There it is. Get it! Yeah, that’s right! Good girls!

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Christmews Wrap ™(Part 2)

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Yeti: [Looking up at Peekaboo] Purrmow.

Boo: Meowow. [Hops off counter]

Yeti: Miaoww mew mow.

Boo: Oh, for crying out loud, we’ve been speaking “people” so long that our own language sounds like blah blah blah even to me anymore. No wonder they can’t understand us.

Yeti: You’re just failing to appreciate the subtle nuances in our native tongue.

Boo: I kinda like speaking “people”. It’s like we’re using a fun secret code.

Yeti: To hide our conversations from whom? I think you have that backward.

Boo: Whatever. I like our People world. It’s fun, and we don’t have to hunt.

Yeti: Yes, you just swipe whatever’s in reach.

Boo: I figure leftovers are left out for me. You know, like a Christmews gift.

Yeti: You’re going to regret some of the foods and beverages you procure someday.

Boo: Nah. There’s a new thing around this month. It’s called egg nog; it’s divine.

Yeti: Yawn. People food…blecch.

Boo: Your loss – more for me. Stuff’s so good it makes me go stupid.

Yeti: Really? How can you t- …um, never mind.

Boo: Huh? Oh. [Sticking out her tongue]

Yeti: Why don’t you use that thing on some nog?

Boo: Happy holidays, indeed.

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Christmews Wrap ™(Part 3)

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Boo: [Beat-boxing] Boo, ch! Ba-boo-boo-ch! Boo-ch! Ba-boo-boo-ch!

Yeti: What on earth are you doing?

Boo: With all this wrapping, I thought I ought to join in.

Yeti: I’m not sure you’re interpreting that right.

Boo: I’m thinking outside of the gift box.

Yeti: Fine, I’m up for a laugh.

Boo: Boo, ch! Ba-boo-boo-ch! My name is Boo; don’t you make me blue / Just give me something that I can chew–

Yeti: Oh, please stop; that’s horrible already. And it’s not exactly got the spirit of Christmas to it.

Boo: I don’t want to sing about ghosts. It’s not even Halloween.

Yeti: It’s not that kind of spirit!

Boo: Don’t harsh my groove! I’m beat-boxing.

Yeti: The only box that belongs in is the litter box. And what is that thing on your head?

Boo: It’s my boo-rag.

Yeti: I don’t think that’s right either.

Boo: Oh, leave me alone; what do you know about rap?

Yeti: Nothing, thankfully. Wrap with a “W” is way more interesting to me! [Charges through some leftover scraps, making a pleasing rustling sound] I guess I’m hopelessly old-fashioned.

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